The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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