Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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