so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
