Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm passing your future prison.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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