I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
