420 ftw
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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