i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
