my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
