I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm like, not good at living.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
