Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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