why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
