it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
