Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
