It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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