if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
