There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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