escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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