alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
