u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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