I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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