Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
