Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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