Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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