i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Someone shit on the floor
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
