just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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