If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
