the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
