i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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