Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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