I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
