I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
