I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
