Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
