I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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