if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
This house was built for laser tag.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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