I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
