I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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