you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
