It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
