When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
