We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
