You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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