If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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