i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
