So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
