Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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