Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
