My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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