Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
