somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
