I can feel you judging me through the phone.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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