she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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