she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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